my lady in red journal entry

Rip at my mind and taunt and taint all I am and all shredded hope I once had. You wander around the corners of my mind the whirling the dust I left to settle. Every whirling gust of betrayal unsettles me. Your sweet reeking perfume lingers in the hallway polluting my world, my lungs, my mind. It’s harder to breathe. Your damp spreads and bleeds into my bed sheets as I sleep I turn and it’s you that lies at my side, sickeningly close to my face, as if I am him and he stares into your eyes guessing at your life. I lie awake guessing at yours together, relentlessly playing out you indulgence in having what is mine. Reflections in mirror and flickers by my eye as I try to sit in quiet, I focus my mind on you and yet I cannot focus you, hold your image still, because you scuttle and slip away deviously of gliding by, spinning through, whirling round with steps of assurance and blinking eyes, flutter no more you are no butterfly. You swarm. Always swarming.